


Life goes on

by hisoillu12



Category: Haikyuu!!, haik
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Cancer, Everyone Needs A Hug, Haikyuu Week, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurts So Good, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, POV Kozume Kenma, POV Kuroo Tetsurou, Volleyball, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 19,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisoillu12/pseuds/hisoillu12
Summary: "Its perfect, it may not have been said by someone famous, and maybe no one will feel comforted by it. But the only person I need it to comfort is standing right next to me"
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

25% of people last one year.

"kuroo"

5%. 5 years.

"kuroo?"

so what are my chances? 

Stage three glioblastoma. Its an extremely rare form of brain cancer and we recommend chemotherapy immediately, we can transport you to a hospital nearer the city for quicker treatment, you 'd be surprised how much longer you get with medication, its the best option. Without it- i'd say you have about 18 months.

I'm so sorry

"sweetheart? Kuroo sweetie are you okay? You've been out of it all morning.''

I snapped back into reality. Right, we're on the way to our new house, anyone would think my moms never been outside before the way she spoke so eagerly; new new scenery, new school, ah right I'm pretty sure she mentioned a volleyball club, finally now were talking. I remember playing volleyball with my dad all the time when I was younger, I mean not to sound like I'm bragging or anything but my dad was a pretty amazing coach, taught me everything he knew. I miss him sometimes, I think mom does too though she never brings it up. I wonder what his reaction would be if he heard what happened.

I was diagnosed 7 months ago with terminal brain cancer, today was the day we moved to a new city in order to get treatment.

We pulled up outside a mini detached house and began to unload the car, the moving truck must of got here a little earlier than us, towers of boxes surrounded the front porch and along the driveway earning a long sigh from the both of us. I went in first, immediately being hit with a poof of dust. It must of been a while since someone lived here based on the state of the house; cobwebs, dust bunnies, and- a RAT??

Sweeping the floor was my first priority along with getting rid of half a rats dead body, ugh disgusting. Admittedly this house wasn't in the best condition, but it wasn't all bad, most importantly mom looked happy. It took around 3 hours to get everything unpacked and put where they were supposed to go, we must of finished around the time school ended, kids wearing navy blue blazers and ties began to fill the pavements and separate into different routes when they got to their houses, I wonder if they are from the school I plan to go to. One boy in particular caught my attention, he trudged along the other side of the road and down the street, a set of black headphones on while in his own world.

" Dinners ready!" And by dinner she mean miso soup with a side of pills.

"I know it looks like lot, but you'll get used to them" this was moms way of encouraging me to be persistent with taking them, but I somehow couldn't see myself getting used to this. On my 5th one I felt my stomach heave, pouring soup down my throat in attempt to realise the pills grip, why are the yellow ones always the worst.

9pm, mom comes into my room and helps make my bed. Yes okay, you're witnessing a 20 year old man get his bed made by his mother, sue me. One thing is bothering me though, I know that look on her face, she wants to ask me something, probably about when I'm going to agree to radiotherapy. I googled up the after effects that can be caused by it, which is probably what scares me the most. The first symptom is feeling tired, nothing new there, numbness, sickness... hair loss. Ah shit, I was really hoping to avoid that, its bad enough being sick but now they expect me to go bald. I guess the symptoms without medicine are worse, without it I could have fainting spells, vision loss, and even...

There's a symptom I always try to avoid reading, though my eyes cant help to linger over the word once they come across it. 

Paralysis.

Can I really become paralyzed? Nah no way, not me at least. despite having cancer I'm still healthy, but who wants to take a bet on their own body? I couldn't think much more about it as I found my mom gently shaking my shoulder, pulling me back to reality. 

"Get some sleep , you start school tomorrow. But, you know you really don't have to go" 

"I'm fine mom, besides I don't wanna stay at home all day feeling sorry for myself" a reassuring smile formed on my face as I spoke, although sometimes I felt like I was trying to convince myself, not my mom. But I meant every word I said.


	2. Chapter 2

How bad do you think it is to turn up late on your first day of school? Because I am definitely going to be late.

I didn't even have time to iron my uniform before mom was shoving me out the door, jeez and who was it last night telling me not to go. I was a little hesitant at first in which direction I was supposed to go in, but I soon started seeing the kids from yesterday headed in the same direction, so I used them as my personal compasses.

Nekoma high school was a lot bigger than the pictures portrayed, a set of steps led to a blossom covered path way, a fountain on each side a long with hundreds of students jostling around as they hurried off to first lesson. The first place I needed to do was go to the principles office, I'm hoping he has a map or something that would help me get around, however the only difficulty I faced now was- finding where his office was. I entered through the double doors and came across a long narrow hallway, students were running up and down it, first years I'm guessing based on how tiny and scared there faces looked. 

I continued on walking until I was stopped in my tracks, not really by my own account, more because a locker had just opened onto my face.

"ah fu- hey dude try being a little more careful" I opened up the locker a little more so I could see the culprit behind it, a small boy with bleached hair, the same as the guys from yesterday stood below me, completely unaware of my existence as he had his head buried inside his phone playing what looked like, pacman. 

"Hey shorty?"

This seemed to spark his attention, but not in the way I wanted it. His eyes narrowed up towards me, glaring at me as a try again sound came from his phone. We made uncomfortable eye contact for a few seconds before I was the one to cave and turn my head to the side.

"jeez, its just a game anyway. hey since I'm here can you show me the way to the principles office"

This is what I had planned to say, but barely got a word out before he closed his locker and walked away, re submerging his face into his phone again. I hoped the next person I found was a little more useful than he was, or at least wouldn't ignore me, damn what was that dudes issue. Before walking away I felt something brush up against my foot, looking down to see a Volleyball rolling around on the floor. So there really is a volleyball club here, Jackpot! But who's ball am I holding right now? Wait- no way. Was it that gamer dudes.

I tucked it under my arm before asking the next person who passed me to direct me to the volleyball court, the principles office can wait a little. The court was even bigger than I pictured it as, A huge net strung across the middle as balls flew over it, this must be the Nekoma volleyball team judging by the power coming from their spikes, oh and that set was pretty amazing too. Well what a coincidence this was, that set came from no other than shorty the gamer boy.

"Kuroo right?"

I turned around to see a pretty cheerful face approach me

"The principle mentioned wed have a newcomer, I'm Lev, nice to meet ya. Hey guys come greet the newbie"   
Everyone turned their heads towards us and headed over, soon surrounding the two of us and began introductions.

"and that over there is kenma our setter, hes a little antisocial but you'll get used to him" ah, so his name was kenma, and by the sounds of it, what I met was just his personality. Funny, suddenly I want to be friends with him.

Lev did majority of the explaining, what positions people played, strongest and weakest points, they even demonstrated some plays. Admittedly I was pretty excited, not only did they seem like chill guys, but I finally got to play with a team. They set up with me this time, Tamahiko taking his serve from the opposite side of the court. His serve was powerful, it was a jump serve and the height he gathered within the few steps he took to jump was fascinating: the ball came down with speed, only for Yuki to receive it, killing the speed and sending it to kenma who preformed the perfect set, leaving Shohei to spike it down and get us the first point.

Now it was my turn. Our team served first, allowing the other side to follow our tactics, a receive, a set, here's my chance, then lastly a spike. The moment the ball left the setters hands was the moment I jumped, arms above my head and hands folded, allowing me to block the hit.

"Nice kuroo!!" echoed through out the court as I bent over, breathing heavy. was I normally this out of breath, its barely been 10 minutes.

"Ah, nice set Kenma" I jogged over to where he had perched. He immediately took out a switch from his bag before giving me a half side glance.

"Thanks. you're pretty good too" woah so he can speak.

"Hey Kuroo, Newbies job is to pack up the court, good play today man, see you tomorrow" the team laughed and gave Kuroo sympathetic waves as they grabbed their towels and left, leaving Kuroo and Kenma by themselves.


	3. Chapter 3

Crap. Why did I have to join the team so late, and leaving the new guy to clean the entire sports hall?? Not cool guys.

I must of been here for about an hour by now, but i'd finally finished packing up the net, wiping some sweat from my forehead before going over and picking up my bag.

"oh, kenma you're still here?" kenma was perched on the floor between the benches, face buried in his switch with a concentration, too concentrated to hear what i said.   
I sauntered over to where he was crouching and knelt in front of him waiting for some sort of reaction. Nothing. A short sigh escaped my lips before I reached out and gently pushed down the males gaming device, now having his full attention as he frowned up at me.

"Finally" a smirk approached my lips as the others face began to relax, avoiding eye contact with mine.

"how about you give me a tour to the guys bathroom Mr setter" the frown re appeared on his face as he tucked his switch back into his bag. At first I thought he was going to ignore me again, but to my surprise he stopped and turned to me once he reached the door.

"you coming or not?"

He didn't have to ask twice before I picked up my bag and ran after him, seemingly making some progress. Unfortunately that was as far as it went. As soon as we arrived outside the toilet door, kenma placed a pair of headphones on and shuffled off, avoiding majority of the crowd. I wonder why he was so wary of people but soon came to the conclusion I wasn't exactly close enough to ask him yet. Ah shit I came here for a reason and class is starting soon. It was by now I realized that I still hadn't been to the principles office, therefore I was currently maples and lost. 

10 minutes later I finally arrived to my class, apologizing as soon as I entered while twenty faces watched me walk to the spare seat in the back. To my surprise, it seemed this class was about to get a lot more interesting when I saw who my desk mate was. Kenma sat across from me, headphones still on and chin resting on his hand as he payed no attention to the class but rather stared out of the window. Figuring out how to get his attention, I ended up screwing up a small piece of paper and flicking it at him, only, the first couple tries failed until my next shot landed square on his head. The smaller boy flinched slightly, taking off his head phones and turning to me who was currently pulling a cheeky grin. I couldn't decide weather I found his annoyed face cute or like I was staring at some grumpy old cat.

"Hey, you didn't tell me you took physics"

"Are you a stalker or something?" kenma was whispering but i could hear the slight irritation coming from his voice. This made me want to tease him even more.

"Stalker- hate to say it but this is a complete coincidence shorty" ah there was that eye roll I was waiting for.

"Don't call me that, and concentrate on the lecturer not me" and with that he placed his earphones back on his head and continued to look out the window. What a hypocrite. I huffed to myself and faced front, folding my arms as I tried to tune into what the professor was saying.

Class eventually finished and I shut my book almost immediately, hoping to my feet and walking over to kenmas desk, knocking on it to gain his attention. I immediately heard the small sigh come form his lips and a couple seconds later he began to sit up, placing his unused books into his bag.

"Hey, lets walk home together"

"No thanks" before he had the chance to go, I took a small step to the side in order to block his path.

"Come on man I need some friends, plus I know we live on the same street" Kenma gritted his teeth before nudging me out of the way.

"You really are a stalker huh. Hurry up, I wanna go home"

I didn't like how obedient his words made me, like a dog on a leash, but I found myself hurrying up after him almost immediately after he told me to. We were some of the last people out of school before heading home, I thought Kenma might ignore me the whole way but to my surprise that was only half true, he had his headphones around his neck instead of on his head this time, allowing a smile to creep up on my face, feeling like we had somewhat gotten closer.

"I realized this before, but when you frown you look like an old man" Kenma immediately stopped in his tracks and frowned at me, causing a chuckle to escape my lips. 

"Exactly, like that" He immediately relaxed his face and looked down, his eyebrows still slightly crossed

"I'm probably younger than you" I heard him say from inside his hoodie. It did strike me that he looked a little younger, and not just because he was short.

"Ah really? Then you shouldn't try and look older by frowning all he time.. kenma-san" 

"you're so annoying" a frustrated Kenma mumbled before taking his hand out his pocket and tucking a lose strand of hair behind his ear. We walked together in silence for a bit, luckily the air between us wasn't uncomfortable; it was more like we were enjoying a quiet walk home together or I was at least, but Kenma didn't seem to hate it. My house was first, so I lightly placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him walking. 

"This is me, you're further down right?" Kenma nodded his head, scuffing his trainers on the pavement and ruining the front of them

"Then i'll see you at school. See you tomorrow Kenma-San" I ran to the door before he had time to frown at me and let myself in, running to the kitchen window to see kenma place on his headphones and walk off.

So he really didn't wear them cause he was with me. Nice


	4. Chapter 4

Sickness was the first real symptom I started to develop. I woke up with an agonizing pain running through my head, painful enough to make me sick the second I woke up. Its not like I hadn't expected this, especially since my medication dosage increased due to my radiotherapy being stretched back a couple weeks. Telling mom that I was okay was the hardest part of all of this, we both knew I was lying yet we both decided to pretend it was true, it made things that little bit easier.

She recommending staying home today, but seeing Kenma about to walk past our house from the kitchen window made me leap up from the chair and run out.

"Kenma! Hey dude!" damn it he had his head phones in

"HEY SHORTY"

He slowed down in his tracks a little, not yet turning to face me until I began walking at a pace to his side of the road, my arm found its way over his shoulder in a friendly manner as I took off his head set.   
"And here I was thinking you planned to go without me" 

I was waiting for a frown to appear on his face, but instead he just shook my arm off of him and put his hands in his pocket. Normally most people would take offence, however with kenma this actually felt like I was progress building.   
I spoke a lot of nonsense to him on the way, he'd give occasional and brief answers but I could tell this was his way of acknowledging what I was saying, so I just continued speaking until we reached the gate of the school. Before he could escape, I took his arm in my hand and pulled him to the side, out of the crowd to avoid him getting anxious.

"Can we walk home together from now on, and to school if you don't mind?" In a way I was waiting for him to pull an annoyed face, maybe even reject me, but this time he just hesitated shortly before shrugging his shoulders. I felt my face light up and made an awful attempt to hide it.

"thennn, i'll pick you up after volleyball"

"idiot we're on the same team" Kenma walked off after saying that, but I could tell he was embarrassed. Unfortunately for him, the light tint covering his ears gave him away.

The rest of the day felt like buzz, volleyball soon came around and competitions were to be announced soon. The first game we were going to play was against karasuno in January, we had 6 months before game season, plenty of time to train but... how much time would I have left to play.   
Whatever its not until ages, stop thinking about stuff like that kuroo. My thoughts were interrupted when we were told to pair up, I didn't know weather I should hesitate to pick kenma or not, but I didn't have to. He was the one that came to me.

"you need to get used to different sets so you know where to stand when blocking" that's pretty much all he said before picking up his volleyball and heading toward the net, shortly followed by me after. That session went pretty quickly, probably because I could barely last 20 minutes without needing to sit down.

"You really don't have a lot of stamina do you?" Kenma gave me a head tilt as he stood in front of me, likely questioning why I was so out of breath.

"Wow you're blunt" i let off a small chuckle, and then a lie. 

"I haven't been exercising for a while, my body's just adjusting"

He nodded understandingly before checking the time, despite our constant breaks, we managed to get in a fair amount of practice within the hour we were given. Coach soon blew the going home whistle, this time the entire team packed away allowing us to go home way earlier than when it was just me. Lev reminded us all that we should fit in as much practice as we could at home, this opened up another perfect opportunity for me to become better friends with Kenma.

Our way home was pretty much the same, only this time, kenma turned into my driveway with me. It took a little convincing but he finally agreed to come to my house and practice once I said I had an Xbox we could play afterwards. We entered through the back door as mom wasn't home yet and i didn't have a front key.. well- lost it anyway. I gave kenma a pair of slippers and he followed me to my room, admittedly I wish I cleaned it better but he didn't seem to mind. We sat in silence for a bit, admittedly I felt a little awkward so suggested we should go out and play.

"Do you have a cold?"

I stopped in my tracks and turned to face Kenma, a little confused at why he would assume that until he saw where kenmas eyes were facing. The mass amounts of pills on his desk.

"ah, t those are- for my indigestion. I get it really bad haha" I prayed that he would believe me as I swiped them quickly into my draw. Kenma didst ask anything else after, he just nodded and walked out the door heading for the front yard. I shortly followed him.

We practiced for about two hours before both of us were out of breath, me a lot more than Kenma but that was to be expected. I felt a little nauseous and could tell that I'd pushed myself a little too far.   
I turned on the Xbox once we got back inside and handed Kenma a controller, he clearly had his own Xbox at home judging by how good he was. I lost 14 games out of 15 and i'm pretty sure Kenma let me win the last one.

''I should go, mom will be worried about me" Kenma stood up and collected his items, handing me back the slippers once he stood outside the door.

"Hey Kenma. We are friends, right?" I felt stupid after asking that, what if I offended him, or worse, deluded myself into thinking what we had was friendship when in reality I was just an-

"Friends go round each others houses don't they?" Kenma gave me a small wave before he closed the door, passing the kitchen window and walking his usual path back home.   
I kept replaying what Kenma said before he left, would it be dramatic if I said this was the best day of my life. Today marked the first day I gained a true friend in Nekoma city. 

One that didn't pity me.


	5. Chapter 5

This morning was the first morning in 2 months that Kenma waited for me outside my house, it definitely took a little longer than I had planned but I could proudly call Kenma a good friend of mine when others asked who he was. There was no volleyball today, only our class together plus lunch. I had started to eat lunch with the volleyball team now, though I cant say much got eaten. The guys liked to tease me for how little I ate, always picking food off my plate, I even started getting extra carrots just so kenma could eat them instead.

"Kenma you can go home by yourself today, I have some things I need to do for mom" I tried whispering this into his ear but I think I startled him considering how quickly he turned his head.

"mhm, okay" He continued to munch on the carrots I got him while hiding his switch under the table, tapping away at the buttons and making a small fist each time he killed one of the enemy's. Cute.   
I'm pretty thankful sometimes that Kenma had the personality he did, he never questioned when I said I couldn't walk home with him, or why my eating habits was those of a child. 

I excused myself and said goodbye to the guys before leaving, feeling Kenmas eyes linger on me a little longer before I disappeared through the doors. Mom was waiting for me outside the front of the school, her fake smile welcomed me as if trying to reassure me that today would be different. It wasn't. 

We pulled up outside of the hospital and headed to the reception, the scent of sickness and disease invaded my nose without warning, making my stomach do somersaults. The cancer ward was at the far end of the hospital, unfortunately for us that meant we had to walk through the more noticeable wards. The burn ward was the scariest, mummy's that lay still on their beds, some still crying out in agony while nurses hushed and cooed at them as if they were babies who just needed attention.

We sat down in the doctors office while he pulled out files from the cabinet, handing them to my mother then taking a seat opposite me.

"Mr Tetsuro, we have some good news. A placement for radiotherapy just opened up, we can schedule you to start for next Sunday. It will take a few months to get used to the toll on your body so we recommend full bed rest. How do you feel about transferring to our cancer ward?"

I'd be lying if I said a cloud of thoughts didn't come over me when he asked that question, but I pushed everything aside for now and asked a question I already knew.

"what about school?" I felt moms face lift from the papers and turn to face me, then to the doctor who was currently expressing a sympathetic smile in my direction.

"kuroo we recommend that you pull out of school, the treatment will make you feel fatigued and we have other symptoms to take into consideration" 

"Kuroo sweetie?"

I know I hadn't said anything for a while, it wasn't that I was thinking about the decision of not going to school, I'd already made up my mind that I don't plan to drop out, but how long would it be before people started to notice I was sick, before Kenma noticed. 

"This isn't fair. Don't I deserve a normal life" that silenced the room for a while. I could tell mom was close to tears, which s probably why the doctor asked to speak to her alone. I sat outside alone with my thoughts as i tried to decide what do. The doctor said hair and memory loss would start to occur a little later which gives me some time to think about what to do. More importantly it gives me time to tell Kenma.

Mom came out about 10 minutes later, tear stains highlighted her rosey cheeks as she thanked the doctor for making an appointment for us. The ride back home was silent, I couldn't bring myself to say anything and neither could she, I'd only realized now that I still didn't know what was on the papers the doctor gave her, and I don't think I wanted to either. 

Dinner was take away tonight, but I could barely stomach anything so I slunk off to my room instead and decided to message kenma.

Kuroo: Hey you up?

1 hour later 

Kenma: yes

Kuroo: wanna troll kids on fortnight

Kenma: what are you a child?

Kuroo: I'll take that as a yes


	6. Chapter 6

Playing fortnight all night probably wasn't the best idea, on top of my medications tiredness there was the general 'if you stay up or night your gonna feel like shit' tiredness.

The doorbell sounded about three times before I managed to roll out of bed and go down to answer it, an angry looking kenma stood below the step with his arms crossed, eyeing me from head to toe.

"enjoying the view?" A smirk plastered across my face but turned to a more surprised one when i was being pushed up the stairs.

"You have 5 minutes to get ready or i'm leaving without you. You're not even changed." He sived through the pile of clothes on my floor before finding my uniform, practically changing me himself when he tried to pull off my tank top.

"ok ok I get it. Don't worry i'll let you see me topless at practice." Of course Kenma stopped immediately and instead threw my clothes in my face, storming out and slamming the door behind him .

"3 minutes."

He really is like an old man. I only mumbled this, scared he'd actually leave without me if I continued to tease him. I got dressed and quickly scrubbed my teeth, heading out the door with Kenma right behind me. It wasn't the most amazing wake up call but I could get used to this.

"Kenma, come to the arcade with me later on." I had been planning to spend some time with Kenma out of school again and the arcade was the best thing I could think of. He soon agreed to it much quicker than the last couple of times we'd met up, we went to an internet cafe last week, then the movies with the team the week before. I hoped we could keep doing this for a long time.

School went by pretty quick that day, Kenma stayed behind to help me clear up the classroom before we descended off to the arcade. it took us two bus rides to get to the other side of town. It was a little busier than I expected it to be, so I took it into my own account to hold the straps of Kenmas bag just in case he got lost. And by him I meant me. The arcade was in a back street alleyway, as dodgy as that sounded it was a pretty good . We payed for two hours worth of games and went to the first game we saw, donkey Kong. I played this all the time against dad when I was a kid, unfortunately for Kenma I didn't plan to go easy on him.

He beat me.

The next game was space invaders, nice! I was pretty good at this one as well especially when it came to accuracy.

He beat me at that one to.

He also beat me at pacman and street fighters and... every game we played-

"Kenma what the hell man, do you have super powers or something, how have you one at every game"

"You're not exactly a good player kuroo" ok so this wasn't a lie, but it had been 10 years since i'd last come to an arcade can you blame me. At that moment it was like a hammer had just been cracked down onto my head. I crouched down and kept my head hidden, waiting for the blurriness to leave my eyes and the throbbing to stop from inside my head, I was aware Kenma had stood by me, but I couldn't bring myself to look up just yet.

"Kuroo? Are you sick, can you stand?" My shoulder gained a little warmth when he out his small hand on it, gently shaking it to see if I responded, which I soon did by slowly standing and smiling.

"Sorry about that, I probably over did it by staying up all night then standing up too quick."

"Are you anemic?" 

"Something like that. Don't worry i'm all good now, see" I turned his face towards mine and stuck out my tongue. He pulled away but I could see the corner of his lips raise as he attempted to swat my hand from his cheek. That was a close call, I seriously need to stop over doing it especially while there are others around me. I'd never seen Kenma worry before, and I couldn't tell weather I liked it or not.

Kenma won a whole load of tickets while playing games, many more compared to my 6. I realized now why he'd been so desperate to play on the games that gave you more tickets. A pair of black headphones with cat ears sat at the top of all the other prizes, and kenma had just enough to win them, trading them in with the staff member and bowing once he received his prize. A faint laugh left my lips ones he placed the box inside his bag, and I couldn't help but reach over and ruffle the smaller boys hair.

"Lets go to the park huh, Its late now so there wont be many kids there" I was waiting for the sassy remark Kenma probably had stored up his sleeve about me being the kid, but I found him leading the way instead, guess those headphones put him in a really good mood.

We strolled down to the park and stopped by a convenient store on the way, picking up some ramen and apple pie muffins that were snuck into the basket kenma. We sat on the swings and ate what we had brought, taking in a deep breath of air when a gust of wind went by. I looked over to kenma who held a muffin in his hands, delicately peeling of the wrapper before biting the top off, his cheeks inflating as he ate. I used this opportunity while he was distracted to take out my phone and take a picture of both of us, he stayed oblivious to it as he was preoccupied trying to save half of his muffin by stuffing it into a tissue. I noticed this before but he doesn't really eat much, maybe that was why he was so small. 

"We should leave now, your mums probably worried" Kenma hopped off the swing and attempted to pull me off too, failing dramatically before giving up almost as soon as he started 

"I'm coming I'm coming" I chuckled before taking both of our bags and swinging them over my shoulder. Kenma objected at first but was too short to reach his bag once I held it up, so he let me carry it in the end.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey Kenma, why is your head always buried in that switch. Do you really dislike socializing with people that much?" 

About two week had past since that night, I had officially started my radio therapy and it was already starting to take a worse toll on my health. I had to wear a special cap while I was in there to try and reduce my hair loss, but the waves of fatigue that would rush over me couldn't be helped, nor could my hazy memory. I'd wake up sometime sometimes and forget where I was, panic would creep up on me until my memory clicked and recognized I was in my room. It only ever lasted a few seconds, but was enough to make me break out in cold sweats.

I still walked to school with Kenma every morning. Our conversations were developing nicely, sometimes Kenma would even be the one to initiate it; sure it would normally be about school work or a new game that came out, but the way his expressions would change when he got excited about passing a level or frustrated when the teacher set extra work made it way more interesting. The one conversation that never came up was why Kenma was constantly on either his phone or his switch, I'd always presumed it was because of how anti social he was but it didn't seem to be that alone.

"Hm? oh, I used to get picked on when I was younger, I started playing more to ignore them" ah so it was a coping mechanism huh.

"Ohh, if anyone picks on you make sure to tell me, it'll be the last thing they do" I wanted to sound threatening but kenmas face turned towards me and raised an eyebrow. 

"pft, says the guy who can't last 10 minutes without being out of breath" He covered his mouth as he giggled at my attempt to be scary, giving me one of his earphones so I could listen to the music. I huffed in annoyance at his mockery but accepted the earphone immediately, having to walk while crouching so the wire didn't stretch due to the height difference.

Lessons were cancelled today so coach said we could use the hall and practice a little more to prepare for the competition. Kenma and I were the last to arrive to practice, the others had already finished warm ups and were currently trying to hit the backboard of a basketball net. They were using sticky notes to mark who had jumped the highest, and so far Lev was winning. We went over to join them, warming up first before taking a sticky note and aiming for our highest point, my height obviously benefited me so my blue sticky note soon overtook Levs orange one. Kenma was next though it took a while for him to agree, he took a green tag and a small step back so he could get ready for his run up.

Laughter filled the room the second he jumped, not only did he fail to beat any one, he also failed to touch the blackboard at all. I wiped the tears from my eyes when he approached us, giving all of our arms a slap in frustration which of course made us laugh even more.

"Its not that funny, all of you shut up"

They started encouraging him by saying he didn't need to jump high as his sets were already perfect, but their voices started to fade.Their lips continued to move, but slower, and there bodys started to become a blur. I clutched my stomach as I made for the bathroom, barely making it in time before I violently threw up, gasping for air once I was finished. The bathroom door opened and I quickly flushed making it out like I just needed to use the bathroom, I stepped out and saw Kenma leaning on the wall, staring at me as I did my best to smile, the lingering taste of sick still heavy on my tongue.

"And you called ME the stalker" A faint laugh left my lips before I went to wash my hands, using sweat as an excuse to also wash my face. Kenma trailed over and sat on the side of the sink, his eyes not leaving my face which made me strangely nervous. 

"You look pale, are you sure you're feeling okay?" how could I answer? what excuse would sound believable, Its not like he heard me throwing up right, so it shouldn't be that hard.

"I think all that jumping made me light headed, I also ate just before I left the house, that's probably why" It sounded pretty believable, I almost believed it myself , and my the nod of Kenmas head so did he. He slid of the sink and handed me a paper towel to dry my damp face with before heading for the door.

"Don't over do it Kuroo"

"yeah.. I won't"


	8. Chapter 8

gasp

I woke up with a foul taste on my tongue, blood splattered on my pillow which I quickly stripped and washed before mom could see. This was the worst morning yet, I felt sickly tired and my head was throbbing, I could barely keep my eyes open without everything turning fuzzy. I decided to skip today, mom obviously had no objections and neither did the school knowing my condition, the only issue I had was figuring out my excuse for Kenma before messaging him.

Kuroo: You have to walk to school alone today, I have a cold kenma-san :((

Kenma: I thought I told you to stop calling me that. Get better soon.

Per usual I was thankful that kenma didn't ask questions, I was a pretty shitty liar even when it was over text. I put my phone back next to my pillow and curled up into a ball under the duvet, mom said this was side effects of the radiation, but we both knew spitting blood wasn't. She stayed on the phone to the doctor for a while after that, I was too busy sleeping to listen to their conversation, and I wasn't even sure I wanted to know what he was saying to her, after all it wasn't rocket science to know that coughing up blood isn't normal.

5 hours later

A ring at the doorbell woke me up, I seriously slept for half the day without even getting up to use the bathroom. I could hear faint voices coming from downstairs, it sounded like mom had invited whoever it was in. I got out of bed still feeling pretty sluggish before I went and stood at the top of the stairs, now recognizing who's voice it was.

"Kenma did you say your name was? Ah my Kuroo speaks highly of you. Would you like some tea?"

"I'm alright thank you Mrs tetsuro, I just came to drop Kuroos assignment off"

"Ah I see, I think hes still sleeping, poor thing hasn't been feeling to well, then again no one would with the amount of drugs they have him on"

"Sorry? I thought Kuroo had a cold, why does he need so much medicine?"

"ah, you see its for his-"

"MOM! Uh the radiator leaked upstairs so be careful. Kenma hey, what are you doing here?" I practically flew down the stairs before she could say anything else, I forgot to ask her to keep my cancer a secret for now. Kenma looked a little surprised to see me appear, his eyes quickly scanning my body before focusing back on my face.

"You're sprightly for a sick person"

A sick person...

"Yeah ha, I think I slept off my cold, I'm feeling suuuper energized" I dropped down and did a couple of push ups to back up my statement, earning a small giggle from kenma as he shook his head. I liked when he laughed.

"Alright Alright, get up before you hurt yourself" I made a pouty face in his direction before taking the papers from his hands and chucking them on a chair, yet another assignment I probably wouldn't do, I'll just try and sweet talk the teacher and ask for an extra week.

"Kuroo. If you're feeling better.. wanna have dinner at my house?" He spoke quietly and scuffed his feet on the ground, almost like he was nervous asking me to come over. I wanted to act cocky about this, but he already seemed to be having a hard time, so ill hold the teasing for another day. I said goodbye to mom before taking Kenmas arm and dragging him out the house. I let go as soon as we got out and sighed, ruffling his hair before heading in the direction he took, waiting for him to take the lead and show me where his house was.

Kenmas road was filled with cherry blossoms on each side, big flowering trees that filled this area with color. I took a moment get out my phone and take a picture of it, Kenma was still walking in front so I got one with him in it as well, not that i'm complaining. We soon got to his house and he dug under the plant pot besides it before pulling out a key.

"My dad isn't home tonight" Kenma bluntly said before letting me in. I looked down to see two pairs of slippers waiting by the door, kenma put on the green ones and implied that the blue ones were for me. It took me a second to realize but if kenma came straight to my house after school, that meant he'd been wanting o ask me to come over since yesterday. A smug smile made itself visible as we walked through his living room and into the kitchen, i'm not sure what Kenmas father does but he must get some money for it judging by the size of his house.

"Kenma what do your parents do?"

"My dad's the director of Bluetail if you're wondering about the house."

"B-BLUE TAIL, as in the huge movie company" the house definitely made sense now, but I noticed Kenma didn't say anything about his mom and considering there were no sighs of a women living here, i'm guessing he didn't want to talk about it. 

"mhm, its why he isn't home a lot" Kenma got out two aprons from the cupboard and handed me one, his voice didn't seem phased when he mentioned about his dad not coming home, but something in his face changed.

"Hmm, then make sure to invite me round a lot more got it" I leached off his shoulders and pulled at his cheeks, earning myself a groan and small shove to the chest, causing myself to lose balance slightly and my eyes to fuzz. I held onto the side for a second before slowly regaining my focus, having a worried looking kenma staring at me.

"Kenma-sannn you're too mean, how dare you push me so hard" Of course I made out like I was only playing along, but Kenmas face barely changed at my joke. I swindled the smaller male around to the cupboards so we could start cooking and distract him with something else. By the looks of things we were going to be making pasta. something I was definitely not good at cooking.

A couple minutes in and we were both a mess, covered in tomato sauce that had exploded from the jar, a long with half the cupboards and floor. We got into a fit of giggles before desperately trying to wipe it all up. Dinner was alright, a little salty but not too bad for two college students.   
We then watched a couple of movies, discussing the cast and who should date who, leading on to an intense game of monopoly which I crushed kenma at. Guess he was better at video games than bored ones.

Before we noticed, it was pretty late at night, Kenma had pondered for a while before asking if I wanted to stay the night which I enthusiastically accepted. I got given one of his tops but I could barely get it over my shoulders, so in the end I decided to sleep topless a long with some of Kenmas dads trouser bottoms. Sorry Mr Kozume. Kenmas face lit up like a Christmas tree when I started to strip, I wish I had taken a photo of it, but I was too busy being beat with a pillow and told to change in the bathroom.

Finally we settled down, Kenma on the bed and me on the floor. It was peaceful again and I was the happiest I'd been in a while, Kenma seemed to enjoy today too, his face was bright and he almost never stopped smiling all through our cooking experience. I wish I had some more time with him. I still needed to figure out what to say once my side effects started to get worse but I didn't want to think about that right now, all I could think about was the male besides me.

"Hey Kenma.. have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"No"

"Thennn- a boyfriend?" I heard his breath hitch, I could already tell he was blushing and I had to stop myself from laughing.

"Dating doesn't interest me"

"Hm, not even me?" another long pause.

"What crap are you spouting this time, go to sleep" I heard the duvet shuffle around as he tried to get comfortable, I wish I could of seen his face when I asked that question. 

"Ok ok, sleep well shorty" a tiny huff came from the cocoon of sheets and I couldn't help but smile to myself.

He never said no.


	9. Chapter 9

Imagine having memory loss and not recognizing your own bedroom. Now imagine waking up in someones room and almost knocking their ass out because you thought you were kidnapped. 

I woke up feeling disorientated and sick, I managed to keep last nights dinner down however I couldn't stop my brain from thinking Kenma was some kind of murderer for about 30 seconds. I grabbed my pillow as if it were something that could protect me and held it over kenma, ready to attack before I finally realized where I was. Like an idiot I slowly lowered it and sat on my blanket, contemplating weather I was embarrassed or just hated my very existence. 

Kenma luckily didn't wake up while I was having my moment, in fact he was sleeping silently, the top half of his face poking out from his blankets and strands of hair falling loosely on his closed eyes. I knew I was staring but I couldn't help myself, he really was pretty. 

I reached out to push his hair back before a yawn came from inside his blankets, making me alarmingly throw myself back onto the floor. Kenmas whole head stuck out and turned to face me, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes before pulling a confused look in my direction.

"Do you ever not have energy" he mumbled, his voice was a little deeper as he just woke up, yet it still remained soothing unlike mine which made me sound like I smoked non stop.

"Nope. Ah its Saturday, no school" I did a little dance in excitement before pulling the sheets of the almost fast asleep Kenma, this guy really could do with some extra energy, it was like his body ran on a hamster wheel, only- the hamster was fat and old. I shook him awake until he was flapping at me to let go, trying to hide his face back under his pillow. I thought for a second before snickering to myself and leaned over to him, I moved the pillow to expose his ear and licked along the outside of it before pulling away in case an arm came flying at me.

I was right. Kenma flung himself up and covered his ear, swinging his other one at me worried that I'd try it again. His face was a deep shade of red and a frown was placed between his eyebrows. I cracked up almost immediately and clutched my stomach, the reaction was better than I expected it to be. I raised my hands in defense to show him I wouldn't do it again but even then Kenma still wouldn't let me near him. 

We went down to make breakfast, this time it was a lot more simple and we made pancakes. We added mountains of whipped cream and strawberry's to them a long with some syrup, it was a pretty messy thing to try and eat but we managed to keep most of it on the plate. Kenma even got whipped cream on his noise at one point, but I refrained from doing anything that would make him cross again despite how funny it was.

We cleaned up the dishes until the kitchen left no traces of cooking before I said goodbye to him. I wish we could of stayed together longer but I had to head up to the hospital today to discuss what happened this morning and whether my medicine dosage should increase. Ah shit I didn't have my medicine last night, oh well whats one day of not forcing pills down my throat.

Kenma held out my coat so I could thread my arms through, it was weird to see him somewhat babying me, not that I minded it.

"Kuroo, are you on a diet?" His question brought me to his full attention as I tilted my head, a little unsure of what he was talking about, especially since we just had pancakes.

"A diet? Pft Hardly"

"Mhm, you just look thinner, like you've lost weight"

Keeping the smile on my face suddenly got increasingly difficult, was it that noticeable? I started wearing larger clothes more recently to try and hide it, so why had Kenma spotted it already? 

"Lost weight? I doubt it, maybe you've grown" I rubbed the top of his before making out for the door, doing my best to end this conversation, he stood by the front door after my exit and offered a small wave of goodbye. I turned round and swung my arm back at him, yelling goodbye to him until he was too embarrassed to stay by the door and quickly closed it. I shook my head and began the short walk back to my house, occasionally laughing to myself which attracted the attention of some confused school girls.

"He's a funny one" 


	10. Chapter 10

It was like a ticking time bomb went off when I opened the front door, mom was pacing the kitchen in her dressing gown while holding a bottle of my medication. I sighed quietly to myself as I already knew what was coming next, I placed my bag down and shut the front door, her head shooting up and storming over in my direction.

"Where have you been? And you skipped your medication last night kuroo, do you now how dangerous that is??"

"It was one night mom, and I was round Kenmas stop worrying." Going to my room wasn't an option right now, but I really didn't want to have this conversation with her.

"Daily medication is daily for a reason, you should of taken it with you"

"Kenma would of seen it in my bag"

"You still haven't told him? Just tell him the truth"

"Why should I, so I can have another persons pity? He doesn't need to know about this"

"Your health is more important than that boy Kuroo"

"Don't say that, Kenma is just as important to me."

"If he was so important then you would of told him by now" I could feel myself getting worked up with each sentence she said, how could she be saying this in the first place. Kenma meant a lot to me, the last thing I need to do is bombard him with the cancer card, who knows how he'd take it, he might not even want anything to do with me. The sick person. The boy who was going to die.

"Whats the point in taking socmuch damn medicine, its not like I've got long lef-"

"KUROO TETSURO. Don't you dare finish that sentence."

The tears brimming in her eyes brought me back down from my frustrated state and I soon took her in my arms. She cried for a while after that, constantly telling me I shouldn't ever say that again, and I need to take my medicine every day. I let her get it all out before letting go again, she dried her eyes and told me we had to leave for the hospital soon so get ready. I complied without speaking and went up to my room, collapsing on my bed and staring up at my ceiling for a little while, wondering how I could go from a happy mood to a crappy one in such short notice.

The car ride was silent and only the hum of the road was heard, we didn't have much to say after our argument, and neither of us wanted to.

Chemotherapy sucked. And I mean it really sucked. It drained all of the energy out of your body and it hurt like hell, if being attached to a bag of fluid for hours wasn't already enough, who knew you could feel like you were dying after it was finished. I thought it was supposed to prevent that. It had been about 2 weeks since i'd started it, they gave me a cap to where to prevent my hair from falling off, but I underestimated how difficult it would be to endure both Chemo and a cooling cap. The way it prevented hair loss was by slowing down the blood flow in your head and reducing the temperature, it almost made sitting still unbearable and often brought tears to my eyes. I never let mom come in with me while I had it done, I don't know if she'd be able to cope with seeing me like that.

An hour past and the nurse finally took off the cooling cap, I felt numb and nauseous, the constant feeling of being sick lingered over me even when she gave me some medicine for it. We sat on an outside bench for a bit, fresh air was supposed to help but all I could do was shiver and groan in pain, my head was throbbing and my eyes remained cloudy, this was the worse I had felt since being diagnosed.

I had chemotherapy 4 days a week and because I refused to drop out of school, my treatment would normally be around 8 at night, then on weekends it was a little earlier. It was hard to wake up the day after Chemo, and it normally happened by rushing to the toilet to throw up, or cleaning the blood splotches from my pillow. Kenma was definitely right when he said it looked like i'd lost weight, it didn't just look like it, I've lost around 30 pounds since we moved here, I just couldn't stomach anything, even at kenmas i ended up being secretly sick while he was asleep.

I watched mom get out the car and open the front door, coming back round to help me out and guide me inside the house. I felt sluggish and cold, I wish I could just fall asleep but the doctors told me I had to try and stay awake for at least two hours after my session. She draped a blanket over me and put on a movie for us to watch, gently shaking me now and then so I wouldn't drift off to sleep. 

Sometimes I wondered if this is what I really wanted, sure it would give me a little more time, but how much more? Was going through this pain worth a few extra months, I couldn't decide anymore, everything was to sore to think. Iv'e never been happier that tomorrow was Sunday.


	11. Chapter 11

A knock echoed through the house, it was Monday again. I'd slept majority of the day Sunday, spending my awake hours with my head over a toilet seat or sat next to the radiator. Mom left early to go to work, leaving some porridge on the side for breakfast before I went to school. I couldn't stomach it but I didn't want it to go to waste, so I put it in a container and headed for the front door. Kenma was on the bottom step playing his switch before he put it down and looked up at the container being shoved into his face.

"what's that?" He hesitantly took it before opening it up, I knew he never ate breakfast at home so I used that as an excuse.

"Exactly what it looks like shorty, porridge. You wont grow if you skip breakfast" Of course that caused a huff to come from Kenma, but he didn't respond to it and started eating instead. It was nice to see him eat, maybe it was because it meant moms food didn't go to waste, but also his cheeks always went slightly puffy when he chewed, it was quite amusing to watch.

"oh right, Kenma I have a present for you" I swung my bag round to my front, almost taking the smaller male out along with his porridge. I sieved through the bag until I pulled out a piece of tissue paper with something inside. Kenma put the lid on his porridge so one hand was free and unwrapped the paper, pulling out a little black bracelet with a charm of a switch attached to it.

"I got it from the arcade, I forgot to give it to you at the park"

Kenma eyed it for a second before turning his head away, a frown found its way upon my face as I thought he didn't like it, but when he turned back around his cheeks were a tinted pink.

"You're really cheesy Kuroo"

I took this as a compliment and laughed, opening the bracelet and putting it on his hand as his other hand was occupied. It suited him quite well and he seemed to like it judging my how he was twisting his wrist to get a look at the whole thing. 

The corner of his lip went up in a semi formed smile that he tried to cover by allowing his hair to fall in his face, I should of got him hair grips while I was at it. 

He finished the porridge and gave the container back to me, I need to remember to wash it up before mom gets home from work tonight, it's not that I had anything to feel guilty about, it did technically get eaten- just not by me.

Class was a drag today, we had a substitute which meant today's lesson would be copying from a text book, Kenma had his headphones on and was staring out the window again, how he had better grades then me still came as a shock. 

Surprisingly the substitute asked us a lot about our work. We started answering questions from text books and were asked to preform examples on the board to which she picked us at random. I know its mean but I was really hoping that she would pick Kenma, sure he would probably be able to do it, but his hair always stuck up when he lent on it for too long and I wanted to see it

Of course fate was not on my side, as the next person she pointed at was me. I heard my other acquaintances from class give me sarcastic cheers to which I discreetly suck my finger up to them, sighing as I pushed my chair back and stood up.

I went to walk forward but something stopped me, it felt like gravity was trying to weigh me down. I held onto my desk and took a few deep breathes, earning some concerned looks but also laughter from those who thought I was trying to get out of doing the example.

"Young man is everything alright?" I could hear her foot steps echoing towards me, she seemed so far away and yet the clacking of her shoes sounded loudly inside my head. The room began to slowly spin, a nauseating feeling invaded my stomach as I tried to catch my breath, someone was calling my name, such a familiar voice yet I couldn't see or recognize who it was. I wanted the room to stop spinning, I wanted everyone to stop staring at me like I knew they were, I could feel their eyes on me, watching me, watching my body slowly sink to the floor as I collapsed, eyes half lidded open while someone sat down by my side.

That was the last thing I could remember.


	12. Chapter 12

I woke up in a cold sweat once again, gasping for air as I tried to recognize my surroundings. I scanned the room until my eyes landed on the boy besides me, looking at me with worrying eyes before stepping out and calling for a nurse. He came back and sat down besides me without saying anything, it felt awkward at first as my eyes wouldn't focus on who was in front of me, but as soon as I realized who it was.

"Kenma- what are you doing here" I saw his face scrunch up in frustration as he stood up from his seat and stood over me, at first I thought he was going to hit me at first, not that he was violent, but I was more surprised when his arms were suddenly around my neck. I wasn't quite sure how to react at first, I didn't know how much he knew or how much mom had told him, but I hugged him back, pulling his small body onto the bed so he was comfortable.

We stayed like this for a little while longer, Kenmas body had relaxed a little and I could feel his warm breath on my neck, it was quiet until we heard a couple of voices outside. Kenma quickly pulled off of me and wiped his eyes, they were a little puffy as if he had been crying and a wave of guilt washed over me; maybe I should of told him.

A doctor came in shortly followed by an anxious looking mother. The doctor took a look at me before shutting the folder he was holding, sitting on a chair on the opposite side of my bed while mother sat at the back of the room. Whatever they were about to tell me I didn't want Kenma to hear it, if he knew about my situation he would of spoke up about it, his silence comforted me that he remained oblivious. I gave him a wide eyed look and he took the hint immediately, grabbing his bag and bowing to everyone before leaving the room. The warmth he brought left with him, and my spine suddenly had the chills running down it. I missed him.

"Mr tetsuro I'm afraid I'm bringing bad news. Both me and your mother have come to the agreement that you can no longer attend school" 

Crap 

"I'm aware you enjoy it however after today's incident we can no longer have you putting yourself at risk" 

Why

Why did it have to turn out this way 

His words began to fade and I lost interest in what he was saying. This was it, it was over. I couldn't attend school anymore and Kenma knows there's something wrong with me, I was doing so well at hiding it so why? Why when everything seemed perfect did it have to turn out like this?

He spoke to mom a little more with me still in the room, but I couldn't hear a thing. Their voices hummed in my ear drums yet I couldn't make out a word they were saying, I wanted to go home, no, I want to go and see Kenma. I wasn't to tell him I'm okay, to ask him to the arcade again, to play volleyball, I wanted to do so much but I was stuck, stuck in a hospital room.

All I could do now was agree, I knew there was no point in arguing, it would be selfish of me to keep going and make everyone worry, besides, they wanted me to stay in hospital for a bit while they increase my Chemo sessions from 4 to 6 days a week. Lucky me.

After we had finished talking, mom gave me my phone back that had been constantly buzzing the entire time we were talking, it sounded like an angry bee.  
I opened it up onto messenger and saw a list of people trying to contact me, majority of it was the volleyball team asking if I was okay, they heard from kenma that I passed out in class and couldn't attend practice. I scrolled a little more and saw a couple of kids from class say I 'did well to get out of the class' but still wished me the best. My finger finally came to a halt as I hovered over the name I'd been most desperate to see and hesitantly clicked to open the message. 

Kenma: I'm coming to see you again tomorrow after school, and when I do 

You're going to tell me everything


	13. Chapter 13

I couldn't sleep that night. The thought of Kenma coming back in the morning haunted me, I knew I had to tell him at some point, I just didn't expect I to be this soon. I couldn't tell if the sickness I felt was from the cancer or from being so nervous, I still had six hours to come up with some kind of excuse but what was the point, I'd lost more weight since he pointed it out, not to mention my memory was getting worse. What would happen if one day they just- disappeared. No, that wouldn't happen, the doctor said the most important people wouldn't be forgotten, that meant Kenma too right? 

I asked if I could do my chemo after Kenma had left today, telling him I was sick was one thing, I didn't want him to actually witness it. Chemo had been more painful recently, something about my body not responding well to the scalp cap and therefore effecting how well the chemo worked. I knew this meant he was recommending I stop wearing the cap, besides it wasn't a hundred percent guaranteed it would stop my hair falling out anyway, it was coping with it that was the hardest part.

The day passed slowly and I could safely say that I was bored out my brains. I wasn't allowed to leave my bed until I'd finished the IV drip in case I fainted again, but that just made me want to go out even more. Well, minus the fainting part.

Kenma wasn't a second late when he came in, he actually looked quiet tired as if he had ran here, but I'd never seen kenma run for anything other than a set. He peeked around the door and wandered over to me once he saw I was alone, mom had to go back to work anyway,.

He came and sat down by the side of my bed but said nothing, I presumed he wanted to get straight into it and wanted me to do the talking, but my mouth was dry and no words were coming out. I pulled at the front of my hospital gown and cleared my throat, fiddling with my hands nervously before starting up a conversation. 

"so uh, how was school"

"Are you sick?" wow straight to it huh

"Ah well about that, I'm not REALLY sick, its been kinda cold and my immune system isn't the best so" It was like the lies were rolling off my tongue, I couldn't stop them either.

"Kuroo I'm not playing"

"but-"

"No buts. You've lost weight, you keep passing out and I saw your hand covered in blood that practice session. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to pressure you into telling me, but were you planning on telling me at all? Friends tell each other stuff, am I not your friend anymore?"

For the second time today I was at a lot for words. Kenmas eyes had filled with un-spilled tears and he turned to wipe them, I'd never heard him this mad before, let alone say as much as he just did. This was it, time to come clean Kuroo, no more secrets.

"I have cancer."

"... what?" His attention was now completely on me.

"Brain cancer, to be precise. I was diagnosed a year ago but we moved here so I could get better treatment. Its fatal so... they think I have another year left with treatment."

I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes which I uneasily laughed of. A variety of emotions were welling up inside me right now, embarrassment, frustration, this was the first time I said out-loud how long I had left, It was like a door just got slammed in my face.   
Kenma still hadn't said anything, I think he was trying to process it, he had his hands clasped together and his chin resting on them, staring into one space.

He stayed like that for a little while longer before pulling out his ipod and headphones, plugging on in my ear and the other in his, playing our favorite playlist that we listened to when walking to school. I was thankful for this, thankful that Kenma knew I didn't want his sympathy, that he was able to comfort me in a way no one else could.

I wanted to thank him but the opening of the door interrupted us, the doctor came in and gave me that look again. It was time for my chemo. I took a small breath in and smiled at Kenma, he caught on and nodded but only removed the earphone from his ear. 

"Don't get too bored, I'll come see you again tomorrow"

He waved goodbye before politely nodding to the doctor as making his leave, I could of sworn he looked back for a second, but that wasn't like Kenma. 


	14. Chapter 14

Today was Saturday and not a good one at that, Kenma came to the hospital earlier than usual and got to witness my morning sickness. I couldn't image how awkward it must of felt, seeing your friend throwing up into one of those plastic sick bowels, but he patiently waited until I caught my breath before walking over and handing me a tissue. I gave off a weak laugh before wiping my mouth and tossing it in the bowl, I pressed the button besides my bed and a young looking nurse came in swiftly before taking it away.

"I get my own personal servants here with just the click of a button" 

Kenma smiled at my bad attempt of a joke before taking out a tin and placing it next to me. I slowly sat up and gave him a suspicious look before opening up the box that was filled with, what I presume were supposed to be cookies.

"I tried baking last night" was all he said before nodding for me to eat one.

"unless you don't want to, you don't have to eat it" a moment of panic shot through his head and I quickly reassured him I was okay, this was exactly what I was hoping to avoid. I took one of the charred biscuits from the tin and bit into it, I heard a crunch and I was seriously hoping it wasn't my tooth. The chewing process didn't seem to end, how could something so crispy take so long to chew, kenma got me a small plastic bag and I spat the cookie out, giving the smaller male an apologetic look.

To my surprise, he started laughing.

"You should of seen your face, pft was it that bad? I can't really cook"

I laughed along with him and described what was going on in my mouth when I was eating it, Kenma quickly closed the lid and stuffed it back into his bag in case anyone wanted to have one.

I wanted to fall asleep but I tried my best to stay awake to talk with the boy besides me instead, he was reading something and I tried to pull down the cover to see. He tilted it up and showed me the foreign name and I realized it was an English book, I frowned at it, English being my worst subject and probably Kenmas strongest.

"Ugh how can you even understand that, English is too hard"

He rolled his eyes at my complaining before continuing to read, I wanted to say I was bored but honestly I felt amused by just watching him, his eyes flicked through the pages, his lips making a small o shape when blowing his hair out his face, I was so concentrated on him that I fell asleep without realizing. 

Kenma was gone when I woke up, the doctor said he came in to get me for my Chemo and he'd left shortly after that. I was too tired to walk to the chemo room so a nurse took me in a wheelchair, my eyes barely remained open through any of it. I had finally caved in and stopped using the cap, while I was afraid to lose my hair, it was now bearable and I usually slept through half of it.

There were 3 of us at all times when doing chemo therapy. We sat about 3 meters from each other plugged into a drip for an hour, never conversing with each other at any time, maybe no one had the energy. The three of us normally stay the same as we have set days, only I was taking an extra day compared to them. On that day, there would be a girl around my age talking to herself, maybe it wasn't to herself but neither of us responded to her, she seemed to be alright chatting by herself.

Chemo was over for today and I just wanted to sleep, I felt drained, exhausted, I could barely keep even a mouthful of food inside of me at this point. Today was my day off and I've never been so excited for it, I messaged kenma a little later on when I could finally get the strength to lift my fingers and asked him if he was coming tomorrow. He said he had something to do in the morning but he'd come straight after, placing a weak smile onto my lips.

See you tomorrow.


	15. Chapter 15

two month later 

The sound of the wheelchair pulling on the tiles sent a shiver down my spine, it was a sickening screech implying the floors had just been mopped. 

"Are you cold? Let me get a blanket for you." 

That's right, Kenma was pushing me. We just came back from a walk, well a ride for me and now we were going back to my room. Two months had passed as far as I can remember, I had minimal amounts of hair left and often wore a beanie whenever I wasn't sleeping. My memory worsened with each day, mom was never an issue but I often forgot why I was in hospital and who the doctors were. It would always come back to me eventually, but the look on moms face when I asked her what was wrong with me always seemed to break her heart.

I looked a mess but I didn't care anymore, Kenma visited me almost every day and often brought his cooking experiments. I had to owe it to him but his cookies had improved tremendously since those rocks he made me eat last time, he said he practiced whenever he was home alone (which seemed pretty often.)

"Be honest mhm, you come to see me each day because your lonely without me" 

"Don't flatter yourself, I have nothing else to do so I might as well come here" I attempted a chuckle as the other teased me, one thing I was insanely grateful for was the lack of change Kenma had for me. It was difficult but he often acted as if I wasn't sick, just the normal hyperactive kuroo that always made fun of him. 

Kenma was currently in his volleyball outfit as he came here straight after practice, for the past couple of months he would always change in the bathroom to avoid upsetting me, but I caught him once, sneaking into the hospital in his uniform and coming back the toilets in a complete different outfit. As much as I appreciated his gesture I told him there was no need for that.

I often asked about the team, how were the guys doing, how do they feel with games coming up. Kenma would do his best to tell me about it whilst still being blunt as always, he really did have a habit of saying it how it was, no excitement or anything but what can I say. I liked that about him.

I let the setter tell the team about my condition, I didn't want them to think I just abandoned them especially when game season was coming up. They all wished me well and even visited me a few times around the first couple weeks when I was hospitalized. I asked that no one visited me except Kenma after that, well that's a lie, Kenma was being too stubborn for me to argue with and insisted he kept seeing me, I didn't want anyone to see me in this state but it never seemed to bother him.

"Ugh I cant stand our English professor" Kenma was currently sitting at the end of my bed with his computer out, trying to complete an assignment, I'd snooped through the work he had to do and can safely say I would of failed.

"slacker"

"Hey you're really calling a sick person a slacker" I nudged him with my foot and gave him a cheeky grin, refusing to offer any help to him not that I could of helped him in the first place.

"Isn't she the one with the motto life has no limit and neither does your vocabulary?" I could practically see the other cringe, scrunching is nose up and furrowing his brows.

"That's right, she mentions it every lesson, honestly at least think of a good motto"

"Do you have a motto Kenma?" 

He sat in silence for a second while putting on is thinking face, knowing him he'd come up with a 3 word one, or something so dry your face would shrivel.

"If I get into an argument, at least I know how to cuss in English." I practically burst out laughing at how idiotic that was, it was not exactly what I expected Kenma to say but at least it was more than three words.

"Please when are you ever going to need to cuss in English, they'll probably understand what your'e saying anyway" 

"oh really? cute bastard " I stared at him for a second while my mind remained blank, I dug myself into a hole this time forgetting I could barely get a word out in English let alone understand it. Kenma refused to tell me what he said so I got huffy with him, eventually he told me he'd get me ice cream if I stopped being moody and my mood changed drastically. 

"Do you have a motto Kuroo?"

I also took my time with this, I didn't want my motto to be something generic once said by some famous person, then again they could say just about anything and make it famous as long as people could relate to it, but that didn't mean it was meant for you. Kenma rolled his eyes at the time it took me and went back to his assignment, he'd been staying later recently which kind of concerned me. He brought his work here but shouldn't he be out with the team, or looking for a part time job (not that he needed one.) His whole life seemed to be revolving around me lately and as much as I liked him here besides me, he still had a life to live.

That's it! 

"Life goes on" 

Kenma looked up to me a little confused at my sudden outburst, I forgot it'd been like 10 minutes since he asked me the question.

"Its perfect, it may not have been said by someone famous, and maybe no one will feel comforted by it. But the only person I need it to comfort is standing right next to me"

"Life goes on. That's my motto"


	16. Chapter 16

The movement in my right leg had officially become un-usable and my left wasn't much help either. What's worse than that is something unexpected had happened in the last couple of weeks. My eye sight had began to fade. The doctor said this can happen if the tumor grows too much and presses down on the brain tissue, causing difficulty with vision. It's not that I couldn't see anything at all, but more like someone had put the world in black and white, and to top it off decided to add a blur filter to it. I asked the doctor to keep the vision thing to himself, I didn't need anyone feeling more sorry for me than they already did. 

Mom and the doctor stepped into my room along with me in my wheelchair before helping me up onto the bed, I told them I had something to say as soon as chemo had ended. I planned to do this with just mom first, but I had no idea what her reaction would be and in all honesty I was too scared of her having another breakdown, at least with the doctor there she'll somewhat try to understand.

"I already know that what I'm going to say is selfish, but I want to stop. I hate chemo, i'm always nauseous and light headed, I cant walk, I can barely remember who any one is half the time, and on top of that i'm hooked up to a drip almost everyday and can barely lift a finger after it. I want to stop chemo."

It took a while to get out due to the shortness of breath I had recently been experiencing, but the silence afterwards was even longer. The doctor told me if I wanted to stop then he would listen, in fact he said it was somewhat common for people who have been given a short life span to want to stop their medication, they just want to live an okay life in the short time they had left. Mom still wasn't saying anything, I knew she was upset, probably even frustrated, but she eventually took her tear stained face away from her hands and nodded.

"If that's really what you want, then that's what will happen." They both left to go and discuss when my final treatment would be and what pain killers they can subscribe me instead of all the pills. As soon as they left I felt the tears dribble down my cheeks uncontrollably, sometimes it doesn't feel like i'm sick, more like i'm having a nightmare and all I need is for someone to pinch me . This makes reality harder, i't wasn't a dream, I was a half paralyzed cancer patient who had trouble doing basically everything, even talking was becoming difficult. And worst of all, I was incurable.

Kenma came in at his usual time after school, he dropped his bags immediately and hurried over to me. It's nothing knew, he's seen me cry a couple of times now, and each time he'd embrace me into his warm body and not say a thing. 

I listened to his heartbeat drum inside his chest, it was so strong yet calming at the same time, reassuring me that he was still here and wouldn't leave. On my bad days i'd often repent ever talking to him, he now wasted his time coming to see his sick friend each day, and with out hope of him getting better, I often imagined what it would be like if I was in his position, but it would be too painful to imagine Kenma as the sick one. So how the hell did he feel?

As if he could hear my thoughts, he cupped my face and squished my cheeks together, staring at me for a second before shaking his head. Funny isn't it? How all the bad thoughts could melt away with just that, that one piece of reassurance was all it took to make me smile again.

"Ah that's right, I came to tell you something. There's a firework display next Friday, we can watch it from your window as its close by"

A firework display? Oh right it was bonfire night soon, it completely crossed my mind. Kenma and I had briefly spoken about it before I was admitted to the hospital, we planned to watch it together on the roof of the school even though you weren't allowed up there.

"Lets watch it from the roof" 

"The school roof? Are you crazy!" I huffed in annoyance despite knowing what the answer would be, it was hard enough to sneak up there on two feet, how would Kenma get both himself and a person in a wheelchair up there. Come on Kuroo that was dumb.

"How about the hospital roof?"

The hospital roof was shut at night for obvious reasons, but I knew a way to get there without anyone knowing. I often got bored in my first couple weeks of being here, so I went to explore the place and landed on an old lift that went all the way to the roof (I also found a broken vending machine that provided me with snacks for 5 days straight.)

Kenma was still pretty hesitant at this and insisted I needed to stay in my room where it was warm since my temperature kept dropping, but after a lot of pleading and ordering of scarfs from amazon, he agreed. 


	17. Chapter 17

I woke myself up with jerking movements and a cold sweat, I was unable to control any part of my body nor could I see anything, it was petrifying.

About an hour had passed since that, the man who informed me he was my doctor said I had a seizure and that I needed a full days bed rest, this also meant I didn't get a visit from the boy who mom said always comes here, what was his name again? Ah Kenma, how could I forget him. I didn't see why he couldn't visit considering my attack was over, but the doctor said having a seizure can lead to another one later on, I agreed with him when he said it was best for Kenma not to see that.

I was slightly relieved to find out the seizure was most likely from the sudden stop of medication and not from the cancer, even though I knew it didn't mean I was getting better. I could finally blame a problem on something other than my illness, that was kinda like getting better I guess.

Mom left for work a little later today once she was told my body was stabilized, though she was still hesitant. She worked from home now as we had a computer and her work was pretty far from the hospital, I always told her I'd be okay but she still refused. 

As she pulled up, Kenma stood outside the door to our house with a basket of fruits and other things in his hand, mom got out the car and welcomed him in happily and offering him something to drink.

"I'm surprised to see you here sweetie, is there something wrong?" I may of dropped into a conversation about Kenmas father never really being home, and since then moms been acting as if Kenma was her son in law.

"Ah everything is fine Ma'am, this is from the volleyball team for Kuroo, I know I can't see him today so I was going to leave it here" He thankfully accepted a glass of water while mom put the basket by the front door, mentioning how she would bring it to the hospital later on, kenma hadn't escaped yet though. Mom made him sit down with her while she drank her tea and acting as if she were the host of a talking show. It was a pretty random conversation that the younger male carefully paid attention to, until it was my turn to become the subject of the conversation.

"I've been meaning to thank you Kenma. I haven't seen Kuroo this happy since he found out about his cancer, I really owe it to you that hes handling it all so well, not to mention you're one of the few people he seems to remember. Ah well of course you are, you are my sons partner after all."

Kenmas drink almost came back out his mouth when he heard the first part, and no, I did not tell my mother that we were dating. 

"y yes well.. Kuroos a really great person to be around, I want to help him as much as possible- but uh. We arnt- together like that." Mom let out a teasing laugh as she swatted her hand around, almost knocking her cup of tea flying.

"I'm just teasing you sweetie, though I would love a son in law like you" she offered a smile in Kenmas direction to which he responded back, still bright red in the cheeks and now feeling a little shy.

After there encounter, mom told Kenma about the seizure which is why he couldn't come and see me, however she still called and asked the doctor if he could pop in just to say hello. It was hesitant but he eventually agreed, so Kenma was now stuck with mother for a little longer while she drove them both to the hospital. The first thing he did was hand over the basket to me, It was a little scary to suddenly see a large amount of blurry colors headed in your direction, but once kenma came closer and was now in my range of vision, I could feel my lips stretch into a smile.

"Slacking off on medication are we?" I stuck out my tongue in retaliation to his words, I didn't have enough energy to properly speak lately, especially after the seizure, so gestures were all I was capable of doing. He didn't seem to mind and even if he did I knew he wouldn't say anything, instead he pulled my beanie that covered my bald head down to my eyes.

"I have a surprise for you" I couldn't see much but it sounded like he was unlocking his phone, it took a second before he freed my eyes and held his phone in front of me. There on his screen was a picture of a black cat with white paws, the hair on the front of its head slightly fuzzy.

"It looks like you in cat form doesn't it, so I named it Kuro"

I stared at the image until it went fuzzy, the tears began to roll down my cheek and I made no effort to wipe them away. I didn't really have anything to be crying over, maybe it was the fact I'd never be able to see Kenmas new cat in real life, or that my best friend named his kitten after me. I let out a soft chuckle to myself and went to wipe my eyes, but to my surprise Kenmas hands were faster, his finger tips lightly brushed the tears from my cheeks, leaning forward and placing his lips gently on my closed eye.

I'd be lying if I said this wasn't the best feeling I've ever felt, a mix of shock, confusion and happiness flooded into my head, reacting with my cheeks and turning them a pale red color. Kenma had probably gone redder than me, he covered his mouth with one hand and looked down, it was rather funny that he was the one getting embarrassed.   
It was silent for a little after that, I could tell he was to shy to explain himself, but I already knew what it meant, so now I just needed to get the words out. It took a little longer than I wanted it to, and I had to take a breathe within every few words, but I said it.

"k kenma, I- I like you t to" 

The brightness on his cheeks almost blinded me and this time he buried his face into the side of my bed. I brought my hand and shakily stroked his hair, gosh this kid was cute but can't he at least look at me now that I confessed. Yet again it went quite for a little, I couldn't keep the fond smile away from my lips as I watched him, he was so easy to read, the smaller male was clearly deciding when he should lift his head based on the small movements his hands were moving. Finally he lifted his head and faced me, almost locking eye contact

"the uh the fireworks are in a couple days. You better dress warm okay" He quickly picked up his stuff and fled the room, I followed him out with my eyes until he became a dot of color and was no longer in sight. For the last time tonight I smiled again.

I was really lucky.


	18. Chapter 18

Today was finally hear, it was finally November 5th which meant tonight me and Kenma would be watching the fireworks from the roof top. He had to come a little later today now that he had a cat to look after, we even spoke about sneaking mini kuro in but the doctor over heard us and gave us a scolding. I was shown a variety of picture of him climbing furniture and eating his food, kenma said he even managed to climb onto his dads pillow and peed all over it.

Kenma helped me to get dressed that evening, my arms hadn't lost their mobility yet however they had definitively weakened along with my body as a whole, he slipped on a thick jumper and had brought in a blanket from home that could go over me legs along with a pair of ear muffs and gloves, forget keeping me warm it was like he was trying to bury me alive.

As it was night time the doctors didn't check our rooms as much as we were supposed to be sleeping, not sneaking off to a restricted area. Kenma helped me off the bed and slid me onto my wheelchair that was stacked full of pillows to make it as comfortable as possible, he put the ear muffs on over my beanie then put the gloves on, occasionally asking if it was uncomfortable or if I was warm enough. I nodded as enthusiastically as I could which made kenma giggle before putting the blanket on me and tucking it into the side of the chair. He was dressed in a long black coat and little black ear muffs, looking a little like a vampire or some kind of thief, though a very small one.

Eventually he started pushing me out the door, turning both ways before we headed down the corridor, it was practically pitch black down here with only a few lamps left on so the staff could see where they were going. It was pretty hard for me to give directions considering my eye sight was practically useless when it was day time let alone night time, fortunately I'd told Kenma all about the roof top and he seemed to of memorized the way to go.

A nurse came round the corner all of a sudden, forcing me and Kenma into the corner of the hall way, we both pressed our lips shut and I even held my breath while she walked past, completely oblivious to our existence. We both gave a quite sigh of relief followed by giggled before continuing on, eventually reaching the out of use elevator. Kenma seemed to realise how crazy this plan was and stared hard at me, I did my best to tell him other doctors used this elevator to get to the morgue on the bottom floor, but he seemed even more worried the fact I knew this. It didn't tale much persuasion however, just a frown and a faint 'you promised' before he warily pushed me on and pressed the top floor button.

We began moving and it wasn't long before we reached the top floor and I was being wheeled up a ramp into outside. A gust of wind hit me in the face and sent shivers down my spine, I'd forgotten what being outside felt like, I haven't left that hospital room in almost two months. Kenma quickly came round and knelt in front of me, pulling my scarf up a bit and making sure I had barely any skin exposed, I weakly reached over to him and pulled his hat down a little to cover his ears more, I could see him start to blush again but he quickly stood up and stood behind me, beginning to push me to here the benches were. 

He took a seat next to me and all that was left to do was wait. I wish we could take a picture but my phone was back in my room, Kenma however must have had the same thought as me, he took his phone out of his pocket and subtly poked my shoulder to get my attention. I tried to wiggle out of the scarf so I could smile, kenma helped and tucked it under my chin before looking back at the camera and taking our picture. He wasted no time tucking my face back into the warmth of the material before showing me the photo, I squinted hard to see two distorted figures and grinned to myself. 

At last, a loud boom echoed through the city followed by a flash of blues and reds, We really could see the whole thing from up here. Kenma faced the direction of the fireworks and followed them up until they exploded, whistles and crackles came from slightly down below where the smaller explosions were being lit, there were loud cheers from the people over at the festival then even more fireworks filled the sky. I tilted my head up to watch them but my eyes kept finding their way to look at the boy besides me, I couldn't tell what I liked more about him, his little hand claps when a firework exploded or the way he rubbed his eyes when the colors emerged.

"They are pretty right? A little bright though, do you like them?" His attention came to me who was currently staring at him, he gave me a small smile before tilting his head.   
"Are they too bright for you?"

"I'm not r- really sure. I cant s- see them"

Kenmas smile disappeared immediately, his eyes brimmed with tears as guilt finally overwhelmed him. Of course this isn't what I wanted, not what I had meant and most of all I hated seeing him cry. Without thinking about anything else, I reached over and took Kenmas hand before placing it over where my heart was, I'm pretty sure the amount of fabric I was wearing covered up the heart beat but it didn't really matter.

"I cant s- see them but I can f- feel it h- here. I've never b- been so happy before." I cupped his cheek and wiped away the tear sliding down it, he quickly embraced me and buried his face into my neck, still being cautious not to hurt me. The fire works went on for a little longer before an immense amount of color filled up the sky with a series of booms and claps, and then it was over. It would of been nice to witness the finale of the fireworks, but somehow we got distracted.

Our lips had found contact with each other in an innocent kiss, one that didn't mean romance but still filled with love, Kenma pulled away first and looked down at me, his slightly chapped lips began forming a noticeable smile before letting out a quiet amount of laughter, I laughed with him.

Kenma wheeled me back to my room and helped me undress before getting into bed. I wish he could of stayed the night but he had to go feed kuro, and I knew if I asked him to he wouldn't hesitate to stay. My head was a mess right now but all I could think about was the male in front of me, he was tenderly putting on my night top then pulled the covers up to my neck making sure I didn't catch a cold. He put on his bag and did his coat back up before pecking my forehead and making his way to the door.

"K- kenma wait" He stopped in his tracks before turning to face me, flushed cheeks and eyes faced my way.

"I love you"

At that moment it looked like he was about to cry again, this time out of embarrassment.

"h- hey... don't say such things randomly. Go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow Kuroo" 

He waved to me before practically sprinting out of the room, funnily enough I wasn't upset that he didn't say it back. Besides,

There was always tomorrow.


	19. Chapter 19

Have you ever had a bad dream? 

I was having one now, Kuroo was there, he was reaching out for me but I couldn't grab him. He was right in front of me but why couldn't I touch him, why was he getting further away?

I forced myself awake in a panic, clutching the sheets in search for my phone. I turned on the flash light to help me find the light switch, turning it on and spectating my surroundings. I was definitely at home but that nightmare felt so real I thought I was back at this hospital with kuroo.

Mini kuro climbed up onto my bed purring and in a pestering mood, it was 5 am so still too early to feed her but her persistence weakened me in the end. I picked her up and took her to the kitchen, my father hadn't been home in a week so he still didn't know about the cat. He isn't a bad dad, just too work consumed; he often sent me packages when he was abroad so I knew he thought about me.

I gave mini kuro his food before sitting down myself to attempt to eat porridge, I couldn't shake the anxiety that was filling my stomach, like I needed to be somewhere. I messages Kuroos mother to ask if I was still okay to visit Kuroo before cleaning up after my unusually early breakfast. Kuroo's words were constantly replaying in my mind like a broken record player, did he really mean it? Trust Kuroo to blurt something like that out so randomly and get me all worked up, I bet hes giddy with himself. It sounded like he meant it though, and the way he looked at me- 

My brain hurts, I haven't had to do this much thinking since I found out there are three kind of there's to use in English language. 

It was rather an un active morning, I kept my phone on loud so I knew when I was able to visit my friend, unfortunately Miss Tetsuro didn't seem to see the message yet. That stupid dream I had really shaken me up, I paced the house a couple of times before sitting down to play with mini kuro, his favorite toy was a feather attached to a stick, he'd often try to bite it but it just slip through his baby teeth. I took a picture so I could show Kuroo later on, maybe I should make a scrap book, I'm not very artsy but how hard can sticking a few pictures in a book be?

About an hour later my phone finally rang, I apologized to kuro before leaping up and running to answer it. I set a certain ring tone for both Kuroo and his Mom, along with the hospital number so I knew who was calling me, Kuroos mom normally set me a message but she was calling this time? Maybe kuroo wanted to speak to me, he's so impatient.

"Hello Miss Tetsuro"

"Miss Tetsuro? Are you there?"

A muffled sob came from the other end of the ling and my stomach sank, the familiar feeling of anxiety swarmed over me as I tried to get a response through the other end of the line.

Sometimes I wish I had never picked up the phone. I tell myself things might of been different if I had just let it rang, maybe if I had stayed that night at the hospital, would that have changed things?

Kuroo had a seizure last night, they said it was caused by organ failure and he- 

h- he - 

I didn't even bother with a coat or proper shoes as I fled from my house, running as quickly as I could along the familiar path to the hospital, I don't know what I was expecting when I got there but I ran even faster.

No way was this the end, it couldn't be, I never told kuroo those three words, I never showed him the photos I took of kuro playing with his toys, he never tried my new recipe of cookies, he never let me tell him how I really felt he- 

He can't be gone, this is Kuroo we are talking about. He'll open up his eyes and form a cheeky grin, laughing at how he tricked everyone into believing he was really sick, that's the Kuroo I knew, that's the Kuroo I was about to see, just a couple more roads and i'll be there, i'll be- 

"WATCH OUT!"

crash


	20. Chapter 20

beep beep beep beep

Whats that sound? 

A heart rate monitor?

My head is killing me, it feels like I just got hit in the side of the head with a hammer.

The pressure on my eyes was heavy, enough to make opening them seem like a challenge, a slither of light was let in and it felt blinding. I had no strength in my body at all, the room I was in was unfamiliar and way too white for my liking, I was definitely in a hospital room and... in a hospital bed? Okay think, what happened last, I was in a rush to get somewhere, school? No no who'd run to school anyway, I was trying to get to someone. I was running across the road and a car lost control, I remember someone yelling at me, ambulance sirens, people screaming. That's right, I was in a car accident, but wasn't I on the way to hospital already? 

Who is it 

That face infront of me, the one I was reaching to but could never touch.

Their name, his name.

Kuroo.

"KUROO" 

My body shot up in a swift movement, my eyes completely awake, I was hooked up to an IV machine along with an oxygen mask pressing against my cheeks. I took the mask off and scanned the room, this wasn't the ward Kuroo was on, but wait a second- why wasn't I injured? I could of sworn that car hit me pretty hard, did I get lucky, what if I fainted from shock but the car actually swerved me. That didn't matter right now, I needed to find him.

"Well well look who's finally awake. Mr Kenma Kozume we knew you'd pull through!"

Who the hell was that? My eyes shifted to a plump looking man with a plastic smile stuck to his face, he had dark bags under his eyes and looked like the only source of energy he had left was being provided by caffeine. Was he a doctor? I hadn't see him before which was surprising since I was here every day with Kuroo. 

Right! Kuroo.

"Can I-" My voice came out as a raggedy whisper causing the doctor to let out a bellowed laugh, he poured me a glass of water and explained how it may be a little weird speaking right now, I'm not really sure why considering my throat didn't seem to be injured. I drank my water hurriedly while pushing the strands of my hair that fell lose to the side. It seemed longer than I remember, definitely time for a haircut after I found Kuroo.

I put the finished glass down and cleared my throat before attempting to speak again.

"Is- is Kuroo here?"

He gave me a baffled look.

"Kuroo? Is that your friend's name?"

"Yes it is, Kuroo tetsuro, I want to see him" The doctors facial expression changed. Something about his fake but cheery smile turned down and suddenly looked serious. He took a second before closing the door and took a seat next to my bed, with each breath he took I felt anxious. 

"I didn't realise the nurse was here before me and told you haha, guess she beat me to it" Nurse? What was he talking about?

"You want to know about your donor yes?"

"M- my what? I want to see Kuroo! What donor, what are you talking about??"

He looked at me rather sadly this time, as if he had begun to sympathize for me, If something really did happen to Kuroo then why couldn't he just come out and say it already instead of hesitating, instead of looking at me like I was crazy. Did Kuroo really- No stop thinking like that. Why was this damn doctor taking so long, just spit it out already.

And with a deep breath. He did.

"Kenma, Mr Tetsuro was your donor. One year ago you were involved in a serious car accident and needed a heart transplant immediately, coincidentally one of our donors, Kuroo, unfortunately passed about an hour before you came in, He was quite ill for some time however brain cancer almost never effects the main organs so his heart was healthy, we made an immediate operation and you fell into a coma as soon as the operation was complete." 

It felt like all the oxygen had been knocked out of me, none of this made any sense, my head was spinning and my chest was pounding. I could feel it, my heart, Kuroos heart thudding inside of me, the day of the fireworks when he made me feel his heart beat, it was the same rhythm, it really was his heart. My cheeks became damp and I lost control of any emotion I had built up. 

Everything was a dream. I never met a man called Kuroo yet here his heart was beating rapidly inside of me, it couldn't of just been a dream, it felt so real, everything felt like he was right there with me, his hair, his skin, his lips, I touched them all with my own two hands.

I was in a form of hysterics for the first time in my life, my fists balled and my body numb, painful sobs escaping my mouth one after the other as I longed to say those three words to the stranger I never met. I clutched my chest in agony, I didn't want his heart, I wanted him. I wanted to say a proper goodbye, I wanted his heart to stop beating so loudly, it was all I could hear, I wanted it to stop. 

I wanted Kuroo. 

I needed him.

2 years later 

Two years had passed since I was discharged, my father had been working from home a lot so he could come and visit me while I was in the hospital. He blamed himself a lot the day I came home, saying he should of been there for me more, what kind of father leaves their son alone for so long. It was selfish of me to say I was happy, I could now say I had a relationship with my father and if I was to be honest with myself, I needed it.

I was now a full time graduate and the CEO of my own gaming business. 

It took a while to accept what happened. I was able to speak to Kuroos mother eventually who didn't look much different from what I remembered her as. We had a long chat about kuroo, he loved volleyball and often teased his friend, he wanted to become a donor after his cousin had an operation and required a kidney transplant. He was kind hearted and loved to laugh, just the way I remembered him. The conversation lasted a while before she said her goodbyes and left, it took a lot of processing but time soon passed and Kuroo became a permanent memory in my heart. Quite literally.

I'd often find myself walking past his street, to the house we played games in and walked to school from, no one had lived there for a while now, cobwebs clung to every corner and the floorboards looked as if they could break at any time. I sat down on the grass and often got lost in thought. Sometimes I'd put my hand on my chest and feel the steady rhythm of the heart beat, even if it was a dream, he really was always going to stay with me.

My thoughts were interrupted when a small squeak like noise came from under one of the lose boards. I fiddled around until it opened, revealing a small creature with fuzzy black hair and covered in mud. He didn't seem to have been there for long, I would of noticed him yesterday if he was, but there was no collar or sign that he belonged to someone. He had large brown eyes that filled with playfulness and a little pink nose that kept rubbing against the side of my hand.

I'm not someone who believed in fate, it just never appealed to me how a mere coincidence could be seen as some kind of sign to someone else. That was until this mischievous kitten stood before me.

"Welcome back mini Kuro" Heat ran down my cheeks as the tears fell silently, I tucked kuro into my coat to shield him from the wind that had started to pick up. We sat together for a little while longer before it was finally time to go home, I took one more look behind me at the house my best friend used to stay in, the house that lived someone I loved before finally getting to say goodbye.

I placed mini kuro in an empty box before strapping it into my car, I got in the other side and took one last look The house became smaller and smaller as we drove home together, a hand resting comfortably on the right side of my chest.

Someone once said to me, that even though it may not have been said by someone famous, and maybe no one will feel comforted by it, the only person it needs to comfort is standing next to me, I was that person. Those words, that sentence, it was something meant for me and me alone.

Life goes on.


End file.
